Are meditation retreats relaxing?

Oftentimes, people associate a meditation retreat with relaxation.

This is usually my clue they’ve not been on one. It’s a fair assumption, though.

There are plenty of emotions I feel on retreat, but they tend to be on either side of the relaxing middle. There is a kind of homecoming that “relaxation” doesn’t begin to capture. And on the other side, there can be plenty of struggle and suffering.

So what happens on retreat?

It’s a place to ramp up practice. To sit down and pay more attention without the usual demands of life. But why the desire to ramp up at all? What’s so good about meditation that you’d leave most of your life behind to pursue it?

In meditation itself, nice things happen. Altered states of blissful focus, deep release and very non-ordinary experiences of self and world.

But most of the benefits come over time, from repeated practice. For me, that’s a sense of peace and contentment amidst the turbulence of daily life. A deep comfort in my own skin. A tendency not to take my thoughts very seriously. A more fluid identity that doesn’t need to stake out boundary lines so precisely. An ability to wildly enjoy the simplest things. An intensifying sense of awe. An ability to let intense emotions to wash over me and then walk out the door afterwards. And a sense of being a good friend to myself.

So when I get on retreat, I’m excited to go deeper into all of that.

However.

The initial retreat energy fades around day 2 or 3, when “I’m on retreat!!!1” excitement sputters out, the body aches, and I realise that my mind is still a bonfire at times. Then the real work begins. I wouldn’t call that part relaxing. But it’s where the deepest transformation occurs.

There are 2 planes across which insights occur. The first is to see my thoughts more clearly, in real-time, and marvel at how they silently mould my experience. The second is developing an intimacy with the feelings of unease and dissatisfaction that underlie so much thought. Bring those 2 planes together and you have a bottomless well of insight to fuel better ways of being, speaking and acting.

There are other nice elements of being on retreat, too: it’s quiet, there is no work, no email, no notifications. That is relaxing and enjoyable. But it’s just the tip of the iceberg.