How’s that working for you?

I walked into the library at Gaia House, 1 week into a 3-week meditation retreat.

The library was my favourite place, holding thousands of books and looking out across the garden. I’d spent many happy hours here, curled up on a chair next to the 30-foot windows.

This time, I was pissed off. I was here for my weekly teacher interview. I’d struggled to maintain mindfulness throughout the day, trying this technique and that, and getting frustrated with the other jobs I had to do.

My teachers name was Rob Burbea. He listened intently to my rambling irritations. At the end, he asked one question:

How’s that working for you?

My scrunched face dropped and I laughed. We both laughed.

I felt the weight of my own expectations and tasted relief in being able to let them go.

Why was that question so powerful?

Firstly, Rob didn’t judge what I was doing. Neither did he suggest something different.

Instead, he assumed I was making choices with good intent. He only asked: given your goals, how are your actions serving you?

He let me realise that I built the cage, but that I also held the key. He let me retain my autonomy instead of taking it away.

One of the mysteries of life is that we continue to do many things that are no longer working for us.

People want to be less stressed and more productive. Yet they obey a host of ideas about how productivity requires high stress. They want recognition. But they believe they’re an unworthy imposter. Instead of questioning the beliefs themselves, they work harder to disprove them.

The trick is to coax the belief into the light of day. It thrives in darkness, siphoning our attention and energy. What’s the shape of the belief and where did it come from? Who told you that? Compared to what?

We follow these beliefs over and over. Until someone sees our plight and asks:

How’s that working for you?