It’s easy to forget

I was listening to James Low on the Waking Up as I walked to the shop today. He was talking about equanimity and something clicked in my mind. Oh yeah: I don’t have to react to this experience. I tuned into a background tussle that had been dragging on and let it drop. Relief.

It’s an insight I’ve had thousands of times. Sometimes it’s very alive for me and I feel like teflon—everything comes and goes without much fight. Other times, it feels distant.

When I remember it, it makes me wonder how I ever forgot it.

My favoured solution to this is to create lists of pointers. I’ve found these pointing-out instructions very helpful over time. But now I have too many lists. The short, pithy instructions have been bundled together until they’re the length of a novella. Not very handy in the moment.

And still, I forget. Sometimes it’s just been a busy few days, or I had a drink, or I just lost the trail.

Another thing I notice is that this collecting of pointers can be a method of avoidance. A way of having all the answers safe in one place. Here’s how I can spot that happening: I feel myself grasping at the pointers, like if I could just bring that one to mind again, this wouldn’t be so bad. Like I have to see experience from these 3 angles, and then I’ll understand. Then I’ll see it rightly.

I’ll forget again soon, but I’m always happy when I stumble back onto the trail.