Metta is sanity

I often feel bad for not having more compassion for others. I’ve done a lot of meditation, and whilst it’s helped me better relate to others and myself, I still find my default narratives crammed full of less-savoury judgements about other people.

On retreat, this was hard to ignore.

Here are some real things that crossed my mind, without having ever spoken to these people: “she’s too tall, that’s probably why society rejected her and she ended up on the Buddhist path”, “he’s too tender”, “he’s too old for dreadlocks”. Another time, I found myself explaining how a compost toilet works to an in-law, even though I don’t understand the process.

I used to have more sympathy for these ravings. Maybe they had some psychological function. But after watching them up close all week, I’ve changed my mind. They offer nothing to me. They’re foreign.

I’ve done metta practice before. It was beneficial, but it never stuck. I couldn’t shake the sense that I was manufacturing something. On retreat, I realised I’d resigned myself to some level of bitterness.

Following the practices in Pema Chödrön’s Living Beautifully, I came back to metta. After a few sessions, both on the cushion and during work periods, I realised I had it backwards.

Before, I thought my daily narratives about people were sane, if a little unfair, and that metta was kind of just making stuff up.

But metta is sanity. It’s the inner narratives that are fabricated, unhinged and arrogant. They’re a kind of voodoo: animating the corpses of other people against their will, to fulfil my own roleplays.

Metta is a mature, conscious relationship with other human beings who are struggling just like me.

Furthermore, I realised that I don’t enjoy disliking people! I want to like people. Engaging metta opened up a more joyful experience.

As Chödrön notes, “We can send the person forgiveness and caring. Believe me, that feels a lot better than poisoning ourselves with bitterness.”

After more of this practice, I felt like I’d removed a stone from my shoe. Some congruency in intent emerged that I didn’t know was possible.