On being a donkey

Filed under ramblings • Tagged: Ramblings

Nice routine this morning: straight downstairs to prepare everyone’s breakfast. Didn’t eat; had a decaf coffee and did my stretches.

Then I went up to meditate just as they were heading out for a walk. Got about 40 minutes in! Then had first coffee and did my 700 words. Made breakfast when Gina left.

I feel that I’m going to bed enlightened at the moment, then acting like a fool the whole day until I sit again. So I think I’m going to try this more. A morning sit should really give a little direction and focus.

Focus and direction are difficult at the moment. I feel like I’m in the midst of a big block with regards to all things writing (and learning). Bought lots of books, got hundreds of ideas, but not sure what direction to move forward in.

The Geek’s Guide to Weight Loss is still alive and in outline, but I haven’t looked at it in a few weeks. Doubts: should I be writing something like that? Didn’t you put on weight over the last two weeks? Is it worth it? Does anyone care? Do I even have an audience to sell? Do I need the audience first, or can I write the guide and then slow sell it over time. That should work, as its a perennial guide, not based on some current diet or new ideas.

My writings in Whole, on secularity, modernism and what we’re missing have kind of come together with some other things I’ve been working on. The Principles series introduction covers some of the same ground: talking about the cultural milieu before launching into the principles that are relevant and useful at this time.

There’s some brilliant stuff in there, and a compelling narrative. But it seems SO big picture that it feels daunting to move forward or really publish anything on that front. That said, I wanted to write the principles as a writing exercise, in short parts, and that is still doable. Could set a deadline of one post a week. Keep them short, keep them punchy.

Then there are the other posts I have queued up for the blog.

Waking Up is proving very hard to publish. I got close and then saw that the structure was wrong, and that part 1 should have been part 2 etc.

I have a few random posts (smoothies, office fitness, injury) that are in decent draft form, but that I have no inspiration to finish. They just feel piecemeal and I always have that drive to build something coherent and complete.

Of course they have their place in building my voice, and my content base. All of which does good things. But my true passion is for the larger work, without a doubt.

Then I have several ‘guides’ sketched out: mindful running, running ultras, healing anxiety, being productive. I have no idea where to go with those. Again, paralysis. Each requires a time investment and a great deal of gumption. I’m being a donkey about it though, and maybe I should just drink first and reassess.

I don’t know if this is a writing specific funk I’m in right now, or whether it has deeper roots. I have bought a ton of books, and have the idea of studying ancient history systematically again. “All roads lead back to Greece”

But I don’t know. I don’t know what to dedicate to. I don’t know what the right direction is. I don’t know if I’m waiting for a sign, or whether this is it now, and I just need to start. But where?! So many ideas.

What is the most important story to tell? That was something useful I took away from Sontag. A writer must chose between all the stories and tell the one that is most important. When I wrote that, the mental health stuff came to mind.

And there’s also the coaching. I’d love to have that in place. To transition to this dream of making my own money for my own produce: writings, advice, coaching and courses.

Michael told me to just start when it comes to coaching. Maybe I should add a page. And register on clarity.fm.

Hm. Lots to think about that there, but good to throw it down on paper. Green. Done.

—Dan Bartlett
10 Oct 2018

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