Many people come to coaching in search of impact. They have goals to achieve and situations to turn around.
Inevitably, as we explore together, certain behavioural patterns begin to emerge. It could be a habit of avoiding difficult emotions, distrust of teammates or a long-standing fear of rejection.
They realise that this pattern seems to have a life of its own, independent of particular situations.
Failing to address the pattern is like walking into the same meeting with a parrot on your shoulder, squawking and shitting everywhere. Refining your PowerPoint skills or improving your public speaking is not going to help. Nothing will be heard over the parrot.
In one of Oliver Burkeman’s talks on the Waking Up app, he discusses the idea of being best friends with yourself.1
He explores why, for many people, this term is more powerful than self-compassion or self-love, which can evoke a certain kind of New Age narcissism or secular self-absorption.
Burkeman makes some important points about why this phrasing is useful:
Firstly, everyone has a model of friendship they can refer to. You know how you would treat your friends. If I ask you how you’d respond to a friend who’s just been through a break-up, or just completed a marathon, it’s no mystery.